ZERO

HEROES 

I have another blog… ‘Panto Patter’… because I write pantomime scripts… that’s English pantomime, which is a type of musical comedy stage production designed for family entertainment. It was developed in England and is performed throughout the United Kingdom, Ireland and in other English-speaking countries, especially during the Christmas and New Year season. It involves music, corny jokes, and slapstick comedy. The plot is generally based on a fairy tale or nursery story.

However… I thought I would have a miscellaneous blog as it were so I could take a swipe at things in general, particularly showbiz. I worked for fifteen years in local government, promoting and booking entertainment in council-owned halls, and outdoors. Then, for eighteen years I worked as a children’s entertainer doing comedy magic... and... I did three summer seasons and some touring as a professional actor, in weekly rep… you start rehearsals on Monday and you have to know your lines by Thursday! I don’t half concentrate the mind!

At the other end of the scale, there is of course… Hollywood… where everything is fake… except the insincerity!

I used to be quite a film buff, but I think the last time I was actually inside a cinema was some ten years ago. Of course there are now lots of DVDs available… my wife tells me I have over 400 stashed in various cupboards… so who’s counting… apart from my wife that is? Also with smart televisions… as opposed to ‘dumb’ televisions… there are flickers available from a number of sources. I check out reviews, cast lists, etc on IMDb, and whilst I was searching a little while back  the site was featuring ‘Jack Snyder’s Justice League’. Now, I must confess I didn’t know senor Snyder from Adam… or Eve for that matter, so I watched the trailer.

Who is this Zack Snyder when he’s at home with his boots off? Presumably his name is included on the title so that the movie will not be mistaken for ‘Dan Glibbit’s Justice League’, or ‘Ernie Entwistle’s Dad’s Justice League’. “Daft I call it!”

Under the “Visual Effects by” heading, there are listed 456 people. That’s 452 more than the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”, 449 more than the Magnificent Seven… and 380 more than the trombones in the big parade!

From this brief glimpse it would appear that super heroes may be big and brawny, but instead of brains their heads are full of strawberry jelly. One character appeared to have dressed himself in barbed wire, which I reckon wouldn’t be much protection against custard pies, stink bombs, or the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune!

I reckon if ya bombarded ‘em with ants, fleas, itching powder, or sprayed treacle or tar on their persons ya could cut 240 minutes off the 242 minutes running time, and that would be a good thing. As Huree Jamset Ram Singh would have said, “The pruning of posturing would be terrific!”

In a no-holds-barred, one-on-one, I would back Tinkerbell against any of ‘em.

And don't super heroes have terrible fashion sense? When are they going to introduce Dinner Jacket Man... or... Haut Couture Girl?

I notice that this flick is courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures. Groucho Marx would have had something to say about that! Yeah... 'Justice League' is Fourth Division!

All together now... follow the bouncing ball...

Hit the road Zack ,and don'cha you come back
No more, no more, no more, no more...

FURRIEST

THINGS  

FIRST

You may have gathered that I am a fan of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson a.k.a. Lewis Carrol. Yes indeedy! ‘Alice in Wonderland’ is, in my opinion, unique… and that is a very rare quality.

Celebrated authors and philosophers ranging from James Joyce to Ludwig Wittgenstein have praised Carroll’s stories. I once played James Joyce in Tom Stoppard’s play ‘Travesties’… begorrah!.

Lewis Carroll (Charles Lutwidge Dodgson) was born in Daresbury, Cheshire in 1832. His father (the Reverend Charles Dodgson) became vicar at Croft-on-Tees in Yorkshire in 1843 before becoming a canon of Ripon Cathedral in 1852 and later Archdeacon of Richmond, so Carroll spent a few impressionable years in Yorkshire before entering Rugby School in Warwickshire in 1846, undoubtedly returning home at times.

One biographer of Carroll claims that the author discovered his gift for storytelling in his youth when he served as the unofficial family entertainer for his five younger sisters and three younger brothers. He staged performances and wrote the bulk of the fiction in a family magazine. 

Several images in Yorkshire churches are cited as having been inspirations for some of the characters and incidents in the Alice books. One is the famous misericord in Ripon Cathedral that Carroll could easily have seen while his father was a canon there. It depicts a gryphon attacking a rabbit while a second rabbit disappears down a hole (as did the White Rabbit and Alice herself). 

At St Peter’s Church at Croft-on-Tees there is an elaborately carved 14th Century set of three stone seats for clergymen, which may have been Carroll’s inspiration for the Cheshire Cat. The grin of the cat carved into the sedilia appears to move as the worshipper kneels down at the altar, and as well as the Cheshire Cat, the church is said to be the inspiration for characters including Tweedledum and Tweedledee, the White Rabbit and... the Jabberwocky!

In the folklore of Northumbria, the Sockburn Worm was a ferocious bipedal winged dragon that laid waste to the village of Sockburn in Durham. It was said that the beast was finally slain by one John Conyers. The tale is said by many to be the inspiration for Lewis Carroll’s poem ‘Jabberwocky’, which he wrote while in nearby Croft on Tees. 

Whenever a new Bishop of Durham enters the Diocese for the first time by crossing the River Tees at Croft on Tees, a welcoming ceremony is conducted on the bridge.

So you there you are you see... but then we Tykes will grab anything... as long as it's free!